How “The Impostor’s Daughter” teaches about Father/Daughter Relationships

Children will often follow by example. Due to this, more than likely a daughter will be influenced by their father as they grow up. In “The Impostor’s Daughter”, by Laurie Sandell, the graphic novel focuses heavily on a close father/daughter relationship, along with how the narrator’s life was impacted as she grew up. Through the book, it is easy to see that how a daughter’s relationship with her father will influence what she does and how she acts around other males outside of the family.

The story begins with Sandell being a young girl and just being awed by her father’s larger than life personality. She was the closest to her father between her and her two sisters. Naturally for that reason, she was a daddy’s girl, and of course, she had a stronger relationship with him than her sisters did.

Sandell was favorited by her father.

As the book goes on, the reader starts to notice how overbearing and controlling Sandell’s father can be, not to mention his compulsive behavior that drives his actions, such as making up names, places where he worked, and what his job was. Later, Sandell finds out that her father isn’t really who he says he is, constantly lying about his life and just being a destructive person overall. So, she eventually plans to investigate his life and what else he had lied about, leading to her publishing a book without his knowledge, causing a strain in their relationship, when Sandell becomes an adult.

Of course, due to Sandell being close with her father, that is a huge factor into how her social relationships outside of the family were formed. It has been shown before that a father who is involved with their daughter at a young age will have an affect on them as they grow up.

Latoya Newman in her article, “The Effects of a Poor Father-Daughter Relationship”, talks about the idea of how important father/daughter relationships are to a daughter’s growth and her family life. From the book, Sandell at a young age has a close relationship with her father, and the reader can tell how important he is to her. But, as stated previously, the two begin to grow distant, and in return, their relationship is strained. Newman mentions the idea of how having a poor relationship with a father can lead to his daughter having bad intimate relationships in their future (Latoya Newman).

Through her research, Newman found that “women who have poor relationships with their fathers are more than likely to choose mates whose personality and characteristics differ widely from their fathers” (Newman). Sandell doesn’t chose bad partners, per say, but she does find it hard to connect with them. Due to her upbringing and with her constant lying from her father, she’s not sure what a healthy relationship with another man is supposed to be like, which is why she is pushing away her long-term boyfriend, Ben.

Sandell and her boyfriend, Ben.

Sandell had met Ben through online and considered herself to be happy with him at the start of their relationship. But slowly, she was realizing she was unsure of what she wanted. Sandell enjoyed the time she spent with Ben, but it didn’t meant she was ‘in love’ with Ben. It plays into the idea of how her upbringing with her father was, and she cannot connect with another man due to this. She even questioned her relationship with Ben saying, “was it possible I wasn’t in love with Ben because he wasn’t enough like my dad? Charming...wildly...passionate...mercurial…” (Laurie Sandell 118). It didn’t seem like Sandell was finding happiness in Ben, but she wasn’t sure what happiness was supposed to be like, considering she never had a proper relationship with another person before.

How Sandell might not be in love with Ben.

Another effect that Newman mentions with having a poor father figure is the idea of communication. She quoted Linda Nielsen, author of “Between Fathers and Daughters: Enriching or Rebuilding Your Adult Relationship”, saying a lack of communication with a father plays into a female’s communication with another man (Newman). Sandell has bad communication skills with Ben at times throughout the book, constantly breaking their relationship on and off. She cannot seem to function without ambien in her system when she is spending time with Ben. If someone has to take a pill to function properly with another person, it can be safe to say that the relationship isn’t really healthy, if they have to rely on a pill to get them through.

As communication can suffer without having a positive father/daughter relationship, studies have shown that a lack of trust is created from a poor connection with a father and a daughter. Newman emphasized the idea of the lack of trust, stating “She (the daughter) may find it difficult to open up to other men and even to her own father for fear that she will be abandoned or disappointed again” (Newman). Sandell isn’t abandoned by her father, but she is disappointed by his actions and it creates a divide on their relationship. Though, before Ben, she could not talk about her father with other men. It was too hard on her to do so.

Perhaps, because Sandell was so used to the destructive nature of her father, she didn’t know what to expect with Ben. She didn’t know how to be in a normal, loving relationship. It didn’t seem right to her. It wasn’t real in some sense or another. It is easy to see that her father’s nature did have an impact on her and how she interacted with those outside of her family. Fathers can have a huge influence on their daughters and Sandell’s father obviously did. How she interacted with him as a child affected her as an adult.

Sandell's childhood also impacted her relationship with her father.

It is important to understand the idea of a father/daughter relationship at a young age and see the effects it can have on a woman as they grow up. The daughter will more than likely draw her own conclusions about men from her father, based on how her father acts. What a father says, what they do, and how they act around their daughter, will have a factor on their child as they grow up. Sandell was clearly influenced by her father. Fathers should be able to have a healthy relationship with their daughters. How they raise them will determine what they act around like other men in their life, so it is important for them to have the proper care for the right development.

Sources:

Sandell, Laurie. “The Impostor’s Daughter.” Back Bay Books. 2009. Print.

Newman, Latoya. “The Effects of a Poor Father-Daughter Relationship.” Our Everyday Life. https://oureverydaylife.com/effects-poor-fatherdaughter-relationship-37169.html. Accessed 28 Nov. 2017.